


All the Broken Pieces

by Shi_Toyu



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst with a Happy Ending, Broken Individuals, Dom/sub, Drug Use, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Life-Threatening Situations, M/M, Major Illness, Non-Sexual Submission, Non-consensual Submission, Past Torture, Post-HYDRA Reveal, Protective Bucky Barnes, Tony Feels, Tony-centric, Triggers, fucked up situations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-03-26 00:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3830761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is a Sub who has spent his entire life pretending to be a Dom and Bucky is a Dom forced into the position of a Sub by HYDRA. Could it be possible for these two horribly broken individuals to find a way to fit together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Neutralize

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Secret Depths](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3604254) by [27dragons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons). 



> The title of this story came from a review I once got stating that, "All the broken pieces fit together like a perfect puzzle." I imagine this will be between two to four chapters long. I just haven't yet figured out how much I'll be able to get out of it.

Tony Stark had spent his entire life living up to the Dom ideal. He pushed and shoved to get what he wanted, made sure he was loud enough to be heard, didn't let anything get in his way. He took Neutralizers to mask his orientation and suppress his urges as he fucked his way through just about every Switch and Submissive he met. Never a Dom, though. He couldn't risk it. Howard had been extremely clear on that particular detail.

Even once his parents had died, the truth of Tony's orientation didn't come out. Obie urged him to keep it quiet, said that it would call his ability to take over Stark Industries into question and that kind of upheaval would rip the company apart. So Tony had kept his head held high and refused to show the slightest hint of weakness, the barest trace of submission. He bit and clawed his way into taking over the company and wrestled it back onto the forward path. The number of people who knew Tony's true orientation was down to a lonely two.

During college, Rhodey was the one who got Tony through his very occasional sub-drops. Sometimes the hormones would just build up too much and he'd be forced into a drop with no outside stimulus. Rhodey had nearly had a panic attack the first time it'd happened, but they managed to get through it. Tony swore him to secrecy and Rhodey had been seeing him through the drops ever since, just being there to talk to him and cuddle. But Rhodey had gone off to join the Air Force and that meant Tony was on his own again.

Whenever he felt a sub-drop coming, which usually only happened about twice a year and sometimes only once, Tony would lock himself away in his room or lab and refuse contact with anyone. It caused trouble more than once when there was a board meeting or a conference that Tony was supposed to go to but didn't show. Obie didn't seem to understand that it wasn't something Tony could control. If he could get rid of it, actually be the Dom Howard had always wanted him to be, then Tony would do it in a heartbeat.

It was a few years before he'd hired Virginia "Pepper" Potts, world's most proficient miracle worker. She and Tony had hit it off immediately when she'd firmly but politely told him to take his sexual advances and shove them up his ass. She was a Switch, which suited Tony just fine, and had no problem ordering him around even though she thought he was a Dom, and a powerful one at that. When Tony had an unexpected sub-drop right before a huge meeting with a customer, she'd stormed into his lab using override codes only to come up short at the sight of his pitiful, whining self. Ten minutes later she had him wrapped up in a blanket that felt like it'd come from Heaven and had arranged for someone else to handle the meeting. Tony was pretty sure she might be a god…goddess…whatever.

The only other person who knew about Tony's orientation was Happy Hogun, his driver and bodyguard who had to shuffle him out of more than the occasional emergency situation. That was it. There were four people in the entire world that knew Tony's secret, four people that he could trust with everything. Except, apparently, the number was even lower than that. Tony just didn't know it yet.

When he was captured in Afghanistan, he knew immediately that there were going to be problems. He woke up in a cave, shrapnel under his skin and a fucking car battery in his chest but none of it scared him nearly as much as knowing that he wouldn't have access to Neutralizers. It was pretty easy to figure out that he'd been unconscious for a couple days already and that meant things were going to get uncomfortable sooner rather than later.

Tony had been on Neutralizers since before he could even remember. He'd been taking them since he was well under the legal age for a parent to give such things to a child, not that Howard ever bothered with things like _legality._ Tony knew what would happen, though, how his body would go into withdrawal, how the hormones would flood his system in overcompensation for time lost, how he would be left completely vulnerable to the people around him days on end, at the very least.

He'd only been there three days when the first sub-drop hit him. He supposed he was lucky the guy in charge seemed much more interested in getting Tony to make them weapons than in getting laid. Yinsen, blessed, beautiful Switch that he was, even brought up the point that letting the foot soldiers use Tony as their own personal slut would only slow his process in building the missile. Tony was safe in that regard, but that didn't mean his captors didn't take advantage of him.

His drops were frequent and the camp quickly fell into a routine around them. As soon as Tony started showing the first signs of dropping, guards would storm the little cavern that served as his and Yinsen's cell and drag him off to have his head thrust repeatedly into a barrel of water while the guards hurled insults at him. Even just a hint of disapproval was torture to a Sub experiencing a drop and these sessions left Tony in absolute agony. It usually only took an hour for the boss man to arrive and tell Tony that all he had to do in order to be a good little Sub was build them the Jericho missile. Tony agreed every time.

Yinsen was the only thing that kept him from actually handing a weapon to the terrorists. He talked Tony through his drops whenever he came back to the cavern to get to work. He reminded Tony about their escape plan, about what he should be working on instead of the Jericho. There was no question about whether or not he would have gotten out of that cave without Yinsen…and it pained him every day that the man hadn't made it, hadn't stuck to the plan.

Rhodey found him in the desert, half delirious and dropped so low he could hardly move. The military medical staff had to sign a confidentiality agreement before Rhodey allowed them anywhere near him. Then Pepper, Happy, the press conference. It was exhausting. Hormones continued to rage through his body and Tony had to struggle every second to keep them under control. He knew he could never allow something like this to happen again.

He doubled up of the Neutralizers, ignoring JARVIS's worries and the way he had to deal with constant headaches and pain. He started looking at a way to make a permanent Neutralizer, something he could use to wipe out the hormone production entirely. At the same time, he built more of the suits, refining and improving the design he and Yinsen had made in the cave over and over again.

He could tell Pepper was worried about his behavior, Happy, too. Obie seemed more upset about the complete shutdown of weapons manufacturing, though. Tony supposed that should have been his first clue that something was wrong. For a genius, he could be pretty damn dense when he wanted to be, it seemed. At least Obie didn't try to use his orientation against him, just plucked the device keeping him alive straight out of his chest. No one had to know how much Tony mourned his death after the fact.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected to happen after he'd announced he was Iron Man, if his life was suddenly supposed to magically become perfect or something. It didn't. He wasn't getting anywhere with his formula to create a permanent Neutralizer and the side effects of taking so much of the regular stuff were getting worse. His sunglasses became an all-occasions fixture to try and help the ever-present headaches that were getting worse. When word came in that the arc reactor was killing him, well, he could add it to the list, he supposed.

His downward spiral was swift, but he didn't let it get in the way of trying to make sure all of his ducks were in a row, all of his people were taken care of. He signed over the company to Pepper, knowing she would be the best qualified to take care of his baby and the only person he actually trusted enough to do so. Besides, she would make sure Happy wasn't left out in the cold when Tony finally kicked the bucket. He gave Rhodey one of the suits. Well, in a roundabout kind of way, at least. Part of him hated himself for it because he knew he was responding to his Sub instincts that told him to take care of them and see to their needs, to _serve_ them.

Then SHIELD showed up, because apparently it wasn't on their agenda to let Tony die, and he suddenly had hope again. He threw himself into the problem, into going through his father's work and figuring out the puzzle. That had always been what he was good at after all. Create a new element, fight the bad guy, save the girl, live to see another day of hating every fiber of his own being. All in a day's work for the great Iron Man.

Thor and Loki were interesting. Apparently the other realms didn't operate with the same dynamics as 'Midgard' did. Tony was jealous, even though he never said a word about it. He was pretty sure Pepper knew, once the battle was over and they'd eventually all wound up in the newly renamed Avengers Tower, but she never said anything. She wasn't around as much anymore, either, her hands full with running Stark Industries. Tony handled his Sub-drops on his own, even though they were even rarer than before. They came only once a year, tops, and he was still pretty lucid during them instead of turning into a mindless drone fueled only by pleasure like most Subs.

It was fine. It was all fine, even if Tony had started waking up pretty often with nosebleeds and that had never happened before. Things were working out at that was okay. SHIELD fell, after it was discovered that they'd been infiltrated by HYDRA, and that caused more than just a bit of an uproar but everything settled down again after a while. Steve and Sam eventually managed to track down Bucky Barnes, Steve's old war buddy turned master assassin and HYDRA tool. Tony wasn't so sure about having the man who'd killed his parents in the tower, especially since that man was a Dom, but he was willing to compromise. He knew it was important to Steve and Steve was important to Tony, so Tony would deal.

As it turned out, Tony and Bucky got along surprisingly well. Things had been awkward at first and they'd danced around each other for a while, but there was only so much one person could avoid another while doing maintenance on that person's arm. They talked and, by the time Tony had figured out which wires were crossed and were causing Bucky's wrist to glitch, the ex-assassin had official made the short list of people Tony called his friends. It probably helped that Bucky completely and totally indulged both Tony's engineering talk and his rambling. (Not that the two were mutually exclusive.)

Tony made it his personal mission to catch Bucky up on everything that had happened in the last seventy years. Sure, Bucky had been awake for some of it but he'd been far too busy shooting people and being brainwashed to catch up on all the latest trends. The soldier took to the new technology like a fish to water, though many pop culture references still flew right over his head. He could often be found down in Tony's lab, exploring the internet while Tony worked.

They went out in the real world, too, especially once Tony figured out how many different foods Bucky hadn't ever tried. They had a standing Tuesday dinner where they'd try something new in a different part of the city. Bucky seemed to love China Town the most and had completely fallen in love with the concept of Dim Sum. Tony thought it was hilarious.

Steve went with them sometimes, or some of the other Avengers, but they were mostly left to their own devices. It wasn't that Steve and Bucky didn't hang out of their own, it was just that Steve was now in charge of all of the Avengers missions and making sure everything ran smoothly. He had a lot on his plate and that meant he couldn't be with Bucky all the time. He'd once confessed to Tony during a quiet moment that he was glad the inventor and Bucky had become so close. Steve couldn't imagine trusting Bucky to anyone else. It was probably the highest compliment Tony had ever gotten.

Sometimes, Bucky would come find Tony in the middle of the night and collapse in his arms, shaking from the after-effects of a nightmare. He'd tell Tony about what it was like to be an asset for HYDRA, considered so low he didn't even count as a person. They'd pump him full of chemicals and send powerful electric pulses into his brain to simulate the willingness of a sub-drop. The Dom in him would be chained up and forced to watch as he committed acts of horror without being able to do anything to stop it before he was wiped all over again.

In return, Tony told him about Obie, about how the man he'd trusted had betrayed him. He told him about the water in the cave and how they'd wanted him to make weapons. He even told him about Yinsen and how the man had saved his life in more ways than one. Every once in a while, he'd feel the pull to tell Bucky about the drops, how they'd made him do things he never would have done normally just like HYDRA had made Bucky do things, but he couldn't bring himself to. Moreover, he couldn't _let_ himself. He'd been hiding his secret for too long. He couldn't just give it up.

Other than the occasional nightmare or panic attack things were good, great even. Bucky started going out on Avengers missions and had gotten comfortable enough to start suggesting places to go for the now traditional post-battle meals, which Tony totally took credit for starting. He and Clint regularly battled over who got to pick the movie on movie nights and it was clear he was regaining more and more of himself back. Life was going well. Tony was happy, happier than he'd ever been in his entire life and he had _friends._ For once, it seemed like everything was going right…and then Tony collapsed in the middle of a fight.

It was a minor enemy, thank goodness, and the team had been able to handle things without him while JARVIS took over the suit and flew him back to the tower. He'd long ago set up a medical area there, with a complete staff to cater to all of the Avengers medical needs. He'd woken up in a bed hooked up to an IV and several machines while Bruce hovered nearby. The other scientist hadn't gone to the fight and apparently had been relegated to keeping the team updated on Tony's status.

"The team's on their way back. It shouldn't be more than an hour before they get here. I suggest you brace yourself. They're pretty worried about you."

Despite his attempt at humor, it was pretty clear that Bruce wasn't exactly worry-free either. Tony winced in the face of the harsh lighting and groped at the little side table until he managed to find his sunglasses and slip them on. Bruce watched him with a frown etched deep into his face.

"What happened? Last thing I remember was that guy claiming to be the king of the pigeons or whatever."

"You passed out. JARVIS managed to get you back to the tower, though, and the others have handled things. The staff is running a few tests and we'll know more about that happened when the results come back. In the meantime, they're flushing your system of any possible toxins there may be."

Bruce nodded at the IV, but Tony was already scrambling to yank it out. The other scientist jumped forward to stop him, ignorant of Tony's inner turmoil. 'Toxins' would include his Neutralizers. He wouldn't drop immediately, but the others would be able to tell what he was. They'd know he was _vulnerable._ They would know how easily he could be controlled.

"Tony! Tony, what are you doing? You have to stop!"

Tony wasn't listening, panic over-taking him in waves. He lashed out about the hands trying to hold him. His drops would be more severe this time around, considering how much he had been suppressing them. What if someone on the team turned out to be like Obie? It didn't even have to be someone on the team. What about a member of the medical staff? He'd known Obie his entire life, _trusted_ him. He'd been like the father Tony'd never had right up until the moment he'd torn out Tony's arc reactor. All it took was a single person, a single moment of the others leaving him unattended, of letting his guard down…

Blood pounded in his ears. His sunglasses had been knocked off in the struggle and the light was blinding. It was so _bright,_ just like the desert. Expect in the cave. The cave had always been dark. Dark and hot. Even the water was hot when they shoved his face down under the surface and held him there. He'd struggled uselessly against his captors but they just laughed. He could hear their laughter even under the water. Oh, God, he couldn't breathe! They were going to kill him and he deserved! He'd been bad somehow! He hadn't been able to make them happy! Why wouldn't they just let him make them happy?! He didn't want to die!

The hands that had been holding him were suddenly gone, yanked away by someone with an angry voice. There was Command in the voice and Tony wanted to give in, to let it take him away from this place, but he knew he couldn't. They wanted weapons. They were going to hurt people! Tony couldn't let them hurt people!

"Shhh…It's okay…C'mon, Tony, it's just you and me now. I sent Bruce and the nurses away. Nobody's going to hurt you, buddy."

The Command was gone from the voice, but the appeal of listening to it wasn't. Slowly, Tony came back to himself, the hospital room swimming back into focus as the cave faded away. Someone had turned off the lights and Bucky was crouched down near where Tony was huddled in a corner without being close enough to crowd him. The genius's hands loosened their death grip on his own hair and slid into his lap. He felt exhausted and every muscle ached. All he wanted was to go back up to his room and go to sleep in his nice, plush bed.

"Panic attack?" he rasped.

Bucky nodded and held out a cup of water. Tony took it with shaking hands and sipped slowly. It wasn't the first time he'd had a panic attack in front of Bucky, but having it in Medical was a bit embarrassing. He'd have to come up with an excuse for what had set it off, not to mention Bruce was probably guilting himself into an early grave.

"Hey, hey, none of that now." Bucky's voice was soft, the same one he always used when Tony was coming down from a panic attack. It never failed to send a curl of desire through him, but he'd never let the other man know it. "I know what you're thinking, already trying to figure out how to spin this. You get the same look whenever you're about to talk to the press. Tell me what's going on."

He stared down at the cup in his hands silently, the water rippling right along with how his hands still trembled. He opened his mouth to ask him to get Pepper before remembering that she was in California on business, Happy right along with her as Head of Security. He didn't exactly have a lot of options left and he trusted Bucky to keep his secret more than anyone else on the team.

"Would-" he had to cough a bit to clear his throat, "Would you do me a favor and not ask any questions?"

Bucky's eyes narrowed a bit, but he gave a hesitant nod.

"What do you need me to do?"

"There's a bottle of pills in my bedside drawer. Can you bring them to me? I need them, Bucks, but you can't tell anyone!"

He shuffled forward a bit, eyes desperate. He had to get the Neutralizers back in his system before something terrible happened. Bucky gave him a long, measured look before reaching out with his metal arm and squeezing Tony's shoulder.

"I'll get them. You just stay here. I'll tell the medical staff not to bother you."

He stood and headed for the door, leaving Tony behind to curl into himself and try to suppress the tremors. He honestly couldn't tell if they were from the hormones, the panic attack, or whatever it was that made him black out in the first place. In the end, it didn't really matter. He just needed to get them under control before anyone else saw him. He took deep breathes as the minutes passed and felt somewhat like himself by the time Bucky slipped back through the door.

"The others just got back. They're going to want to see you soon."

Tony nodded absently.

"I can do that. I just need a few to get myself together. Did you bring the bottle?"

Bucky passed them over, watching silently as Tony shook out six pills and swallowed them dry. It was way over his usual intake, but he couldn't afford to take any chances.

"Tony…Those are Neutralizers…"

His voice betrayed him, let slip the hint of worry and horror the other felt. It wasn't like the team didn't know Tony took Neutralizers, it was the only way for someone to hide their orientation like Tony did, so it was obviously the amount that Tony took that bothered the man.

"Yeah, I know. If it helps, I don't usually take that many."

Tony pushed himself up into a standing position using the wall and Bucky held out his hands to hover near him, ready to catch him if he toppled over.

"I guess I shouldn't bother asking if you have any idea what taking so many could do to you."

Tony frowned, and didn't dignify that with a response. His eyes searched the room until he spotted his sunglasses and he slipped them back on, rolling his shoulders a few times to loosen them up. He pasted on his best press smile before turning back to his companion.

"Alright, Bucko, you ready to face the music with me?"

Bucky heaved a sigh but still nudged Tony's shoulder gently and had a smile on his face.

"Yeah, you know I've always got your back."


	2. Agonize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony has something he has to tell the team.

Tony wrung his hands together as he sat at the kitchen table and waited for the team to arrive. He'd just gotten back from meeting with the doctor over the test results and had asked JARVIS to gather them together. Natasha was already there, sitting to his right instead of hanging back around the outskirts of the room. She reached out to lay a gentle hand across his, grasping them tenderly.

"What's wrong?"

Of course she wouldn't ask if everything was alright. She already knew that it wasn't. Tony clenched his eyes tightly shut so he wouldn't have to see the concern on her face, the pity. He couldn't deal with that. It made the whole thing seem more real. He didn't want to have to deal with it any more than he absolutely had to. Pepper always did say that he was a master at avoidance.

"I'll talk about it when the whole team's here."

"Talk about what?"

Clint, Steve, and Bucky entered the room at the same time, their clothes indicating that they had been in the gym when they'd gotten the summons. Bucky didn't say a word, just paused for a moment to sweep his eyes over Tony before taking the chair to his left. He and Steve exchanged a glance as the super soldier and the archer took their seats, but didn't say anything as Thor arrived.

"My friends!" Thor's booming voice was accompanied by a wide smile. "What is the occasion? The voice of JARVIS was most insistent!"

"Sorry." Tony winced at how strained his voice sounded. "For the inconvenience."

Thor's grin immediately dropped, his eyebrows pulling together as he tilted his head to the side questioningly.

"Does something ail you, Man of Iron?"

Tony shrugged noncommittally, avoiding the thunderer's gaze even though no one could see his eyes behind his sunglasses. He examined Natasha's hand linked with his own for a long moment before he glanced back up.

"I'd rather wait till Bruce gets here."

He tried to ignore the way Natasha's eyebrows rose at his non-answer of the question and instead focused on JARVIS's voice coming from above.

"Dr. Banner was in the middle of working with several chemicals in the lab and will be up as soon as he has rendered them stable. It shouldn't be more than a few minutes."

Tony nodded, his eyes falling back to the table again and the folder that sat in front of him. He knew what it said within its pages. To be completely truthful, he had probably known even before he had the test rerouted to one of the doctors he'd seen after Afghanistan. The entire flight back from the base where the man was currently stationed, Tony had been trying to figure out how to tell the team. Part of him just wanted to pass the folder off to Steve or Bruce so he wouldn't have to say a word, but he needed to tell them himself. He needed to tell Rhodey, Pepper and Happy himself, too. They were meeting later on in the evening, though, once Rhodey was back in the country. He didn't want to have this conversation any more than was necessary.

Clint and Natasha had their heads close together, whispering quietly. Natasha hadn't let go of his hands though and the genius was grateful for it. Despite his moment of weakness in the medical floor of the tower, he didn't believe that any of the team would betray him. The warmth of Natasha's hand and the support it symbolized helped him settle his resolve to stick with the plan. He ran his thumb over her knuckles, enjoying the unexpected softness of her skin.

The others were watching him attentively, but he avoided meeting any of their gazes. He didn't want to know what their eyes would tell him. He didn't want to see their pity and concern, didn't want to deal with their horror and devastation. He had made his choice. He just had to see it through to the end.

"Sorry I'm late."

Bruce smiled sheepishly as he entered the room and Tony attempted to smile back. If the other scientist's expression was any indication though, he didn't do a very good job of it.

"It's alright. JARVIS kept us posted."

Bruce nodded in acknowledgement, glancing around the room as he settled into the chair at the end of the table.

"Should I be worried?"

Tony pulled his hands out of Natasha's grasp, refolding them in his lap and suppressing the urge to fiddle with his cufflinks. He took a deep breath before raising his chin and steeling his resolve.

"I'm withdrawing my membership from the Avengers."

" _What?!_ "

The effect was instant, both Clint and Steve shooting to their feet so quickly that Tony flinched. The expressions around the table ranged from completely floored to deeply speculative, which was Natasha's reaction.

"I won't be withdrawing my funding," he hastened to reassure, "and you are all still welcome to live here. And I'll keep doing upgrades and making stuff for the team. Iron Man just can't be on it anymore."

Steve looked completely boggled, shaking his head in bewilderment and face scrunching up as he tried to understand the situation.

"I don't give a damn about your funding or whether you keep making us things, Tony! You _love_ this team! Why would you quit?"

Tony forced himself to stop biting his lower lip. His heart was pounding in his ears, the adrenaline making his hands shake. How was it that he could easily face down an alien army but it was so hard to just get these words out of his mouth?

"I-" He swallowed thickly. "I'm not safe to be in the field anymore."

"Because of your collapse last week?" Bruce was eyeing the file on the table like it was a cobra about to strike and Tony pulled it down into his lab. "What were the test results?"

Bucky reached out toward the genius, his metal hand curling around Tony's forearm. The ex-assassin squeezed gently.

"Whatever it is, we'll get through it. We're all here for you."

A piece of Tony broke at those words. They wouldn't get through it, not this.

"I'm dying."

The words caught in his throat as he said them but he choked them out anyway. The effect was like someone has sucked all the air out of the room. Bucky's hand tightened, though not to the point of being painful. Tony's gaze was drawn to the gleam of the metal against his own tan skin. He selfishly used it as an excuse to keep his eyes on his lap and not look at the team. He heard the clatter of a chair hitting the ground and the sounds of pounding footsteps. Bruce had fled the room, probably headed for the Hulk Tank set up in his lab.

God, Tony hated this, hated doing this to his team. They didn't deserve this. They didn't deserve to have to deal with his crap. They shouldn't have to fear that their teammate wouldn't have their back because he was prone to losing consciousness at any given moment. They sure as Hell shouldn't have to worry about the fact that if he was late or they couldn't find him there would always be the fear that he'd finally kicked the bucket. They had enough things to worry about without adding that to the list, without adding _him_ to the list.

"Bullshit." Tony's head snapped up to stare wide eyed at Barton, who looked about two seconds from throwing whatever he could get his hands on fastest. The archer's fists were clenched and his jaw was tight. Even as he spoke the words of defiance, Tony could see how his shoulders trembled. "You're too fucking stubborn to die. You're gonna outlive Thor."

Tony snorted, but the sound didn't quite make it out as it tried to turn into a sob. He shook his head as he tried to collect himself.

"We all knew that was never gonna happen. Baring an accident in the field, I was always gonna be the first one to go."

"SHIELD was able to help with the palladium poisoning," Natasha cut in, face stony in the way that only happened when something was tearing her apart from the inside. Tony hadn't seen it since she'd been captured by a KGB cell and spent a week with her old captors before the team managed to get to her. "Whatever's wrong this time, we'll figure it out."

"She's right." Steve had his Soldier demeanor out in full-force, completely focused on the mission with single-minded determination. "Medicine's come a long way since I was a kid and there're more things being discovered every day. I had to watch my mom die of pneumonia and I'm sure as Hell not watching something like that happen again. We're all behind you, Tony."

The genius was suddenly furious. Anger flooded his system as he stood from his chair so fast it toppled over backward, the file folder with the test results inside hitting the floor and spilling papers everywhere. He ripped his arm out of Bucky's grasp, ignoring the man's flinch. How could they be like this? How could they be so damn supportive? _This was his own damn fault._ Objectively, he knew that he was angry at himself, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from whirling on the Captain and the others with a snarl twisting his features and tears prickling his eyes.

"You don't fucking _get it,_ do you? I could drop dead at any time! _Any fucking time!_ " He tried to ignore the fact that everyone was on their feet now, and that Bucky was reaching out for him again. He wanted _so bad_ to just let himself collapse into those arms, take the comfort they provided, but things weren't that simple. He couldn't show that kind of vulnerability. He couldn't let the world see what he really was. "I have a brain aneurysm. It's a weakness in the walls of the arteries that carry blood to the brain. That's why I have the headaches and the sensitivity to light, all of that. I just didn't see the signs. One ruptured during the battle last week. That's why I passed out."

His anger was gone by the time he'd finished, a hopelessness left in its wake. He just felt so _tired._ He couldn't even been suspicious of the way Natasha narrowed her eyes at him.

"My friend," Thor spoke more gently than Tony had ever heard him speak before, and it broke the genius even more than he already was. These were great people, people who cared about him. They weren't like Obie or the terrorists in Afghanistan. He _knew_ that. So why couldn't he just tell them the truth and trust them to keep him safe? "Surely there is something that can be done. You must never give up hope. I shall return to Asgard post haste and request the assistance of our most accomplished healers. Perhaps they will be able to do something your Midgardian doctors cannot."

"That's not the problem," Natasha cut in. "Aneurysms aren't a sure thing. There are medications that can help. It's possible that they won't even rupture as long as the proper steps are taken, especially knowing about them ahead of time." Her gaze was calculating, but it was also accusatory. "Which means that the surety of this situation comes from the fact that you fully intend to keep doing whatever is causing them."

Tony cringed at her words, at the realization on the rest of the team's faces. His eyes sought out Bucky, seeing the confusion and the betrayal there that tore at him on the inside. God, he didn't want to see that look on his face.

"I _can't,_ " his voice came out as a near whimper, sending another ripple through the room. Tony Stark did not whimper. _Doms_ did not whimper. "Please…Please don't make me."

He dropped his chin to his chest, wrapping his own arms around himself as he took another shuddered step backward, away for the room full of Dominants, with the exception of Thor. Their presence was _so strong,_ even Clint and Natasha, who hardly pinged on the radar because they were so good at hiding themselves. They didn't medically suppress their orientation except for missions. Not like he did. The red head was eyeing him like she was trying to pull him apart and see what was inside, like he was _prey._

"You know," her words had the same faux casual tone she used while luring interrogation subjects into hanging themselves with their own lies, "I can't say that SHIELD is the best employer ever. Better than the KGB, certainly, but they still have their faults. They're ready and set to send us straight into the most dangerous situations while at the same time make damn sure we know exact what we're getting into." There was a short pause before she spoke again, her voice bitter. "Interesting, the effects that Neutralizers can have in the long term, isn't it? Headaches, nausea, some people have even passed out from taking extremely high doses for a period of time."

It didn't take the team long to understand what exactly it was she was saying.

"This is about the Neutralizers?" Steve seemed confused, not quite accepting it. "About keeping your Dom presence suppressed to make people more comfortable?"

That had been the cover story that the world largely accepted, after all. It was apparently easier for people to believe that the perpetual asshole Tony Stark could be exceedingly considerate in that one regard than it was to think that he wasn't a Dom at all. At least he'd managed to do that right.

"I tried," he rasped, it coming out in more of a whisper than full-fledged words. "I tried for _years_ to find another way."

"How about just not taking them?!" Clint sounded horrified. "God, Tony, you're killing yourself!"

Tony met Natasha's glare and knew, he _knew,_ exactly what she was going to say next. He pleaded for her not to with his eyes, but there was no stopping it. She'd made her decision. She was going to bring his entire life down around his ears and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. It was like staring at the test results all over again.

"Because he's too concerned about people finding out he's a fucking Sub."

She spat the words out like poison and Tony jerked hard enough to slam an elbow into the wall behind him. The room was silent for a long moment as the information sunk in before it seemed like they all just exploded. Clint was yelling, shouting so loudly and passionately that the only words Tony could actually make out were the expletives mixed generously throughout his entire rant. Thor was confused, as he was by many things that involved the different biological orientations of Midgardians. His rumbling voice wasn't anywhere as loud as Clint's and sounded almost muted by comparison as he asked Natasha questions. Steve actually _growled,_ a sound of feral aggression he usually reserved for when they learned of some atrocity committed against innocent victims. His gaze was fixed on Tony, though, as he launched straight into his demands.

The genius was shakings, his entire body trembling in reaction to everything being directed toward him. He trusted his team not to hurt him. He did. But this was _terrifying._ How did other Subs stand it? Being surrounded by Doms all the time and having them _know?_ Thor was the only one in the room who didn't have the biological predisposition to bring Tony to his knees with a few clipped words. The Sub didn't even realize he was practically hyperventilating until arms, one flesh and one metal, wrapped around him and pulled him against a hard chest, allowing him to bury his face in supple leather.

" _Shut up._ " Bucky's voice was laced with Command, just as it had been that day in Medical. His arms squeezed Tony just a little bit closer. "Can't you see you're all scaring him? It's no wonder he hid his orientation."

God, he was _defending_ Tony, was putting himself between the genius and the other Dominants in the room. He was keeping Tony _safe,_ just like Tony had been taught he was supposed to do while pretending to be a Dom. It felt so good to be in his arms and to let the warmth and protection surround him. Tony had never let himself be held like this, not even by Jarvis when he'd been a child. It just wasn't allowed.

"Tony," Steve's voice was softer now, placating as he reined in his anger, "we just want to understand what's going on. Why would you do this to yourself?"

The arms around him loosened a bit to release him, but Tony only pressed himself closer. He wasn't ready to give this up yet. Bucky tightened his hold again, bringing one hand up to brush gently through his hair.

"Maybe you four should leave," the ex-HYDRA captive said.

Tony didn't have to look out at the room to know how much those words had pissed the others off. If he'd been in their place, he would have been pissed, too.

"Fuck you." At least Clint wasn't shouting anymore. "There's no way I'm just walking off after a bomb like that gets dropped."

"No," Thor cut him off, "he is correct. Our reactions have put our friend in a bad place, and our shield-sister was the one to reveal his secret. It would be best that we allow him privacy until we can all be calm once more."

Tony kept his face buried in the leather covering Bucky's chest and resisted the temptation to peek out at them all. He wanted them to leave, admittedly, and bringing himself back to attention might stand in the way of that. Unfortunately, it also meant he missed whatever silent communication passed through the group.

"Fine," Clint reluctantly agreed, "but I want an update as soon as you're done with whatever little talk you're planning to have with him, alright Barnes? And I'm not leaving this floor until I get it."

"I'll be happy to fill you in on whatever Tony feels comfortable with."

Clint grumbled something dissatisfied, but let it go. Tony could hear as the others filed out of the room.

"Tony?" Steve sounded a bit hesitant. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. We care about you. I hope you know that. And we would never let anything happen to you if we could help it. You're safe here."

The genius didn't respond, just stayed in Bucky's arms until he was sure all of the others were gone. He gently pulled away, Bucky letting him go without a fight, and settled in the chair that Natasha had abandoned. He knew there was no way he was getting out of this now and if there was anyone he could talk to, it would be Bucky. Bucky knew what it was like to have your choices taken away. He would understand why Tony couldn't stop taking the pills.

"So," Bucky said as he righted the chair Tony had toppled over and settled in, "it seems we've got some things to discuss."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um...it'll be okay? I swear?


	3. Moralize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Bucky talk.

"I never meant for this to happen."

Tony ducked his head a bit, not wanting to look at Bucky and see the judgement on his face. He knew he had fucked up. That was obvious. He'd tried to do the right thing but it had just blown up in his face. He'd tried to protect himself and ended up killing himself, just like with the arc reactor, and he was dragging his entire team down with him.

"Hey," Bucky's voice was soft and he reached out with one hand to rub Tony's knee. "You're alright, okay? We're just talking here. I'm not gonna make you do anything."

The genius's eyes darted upward, catching just a quick glimpse of Bucky's open expression. There wasn't any way he was getting out of this, he knew. Bucky wouldn't make him talk, sure, but the others wouldn't just sit back and let this happen now that they knew the truth. They weren't like Bucky. They hadn't been bent to someone else's will without any other choice. Even Barton, who'd experienced Loki's mind control, didn't fully understand. He wanted this conversation over as quickly as possible, and that meant diving right in.

"The Ten Rings did."

The fingers around Tony's knee tightened just a bit before loosening as Bucky regained control of himself.

"They put you under?"

Tony's bark of laughter was nothing if not dark and bitter.

"I've been on Neutralizers probably since before I could _walk_ and that was the first time I'd ever been off of them. They hardly needed to try."

Bucky hummed and nodded.

"They didn't know any more than we did. Must have been quite a surprise."

"I was lucky all they wanted was weapons," the same old feeling of self-loathing rose up within him, "and I would have happily given them anything they wanted. I was so _eager,_ " he spat. "Yinsen was the only reason I made it out of there."

Bucky's chair moved just a bit closer.

"So when they tortured you…"

"It was while I was dropped." Tony closed his eyes and shuddered at the memory. "They hurled insults at me until I was little more than a shivering wreck and then they'd tell me all I had to do to be a good boy was make the Jericho missile."

Even now, his chest constricted at the thought. He felt the pull under his skin to do something, to make something, to prove he wasn't worthless and he could be good. He stood abruptly, the excess energy suddenly eating at him.

"Can we go down to the lab?"

He silently cursed at phrasing that like a question. He was Tony Stark, dammit! He didn't need permission to use his own fucking lab space. Bucky was already standing, though, and motioning for him to lead on without actually saying anything on the issue. He let the decision remain fully Tony's, which the genius was impossibly grateful for.

"Who else knows? Anyone?"

Tony shrugged and shook his head as they entered the elevator. Clint was just barely visible watching them from over the back of the couch. Tony didn't bother trying to crack a smile.

"Just Pepper and Rhodey. J, take us down."

He winced at his own word choice, but said nothing as the elevator began gliding smoothly downward. Bucky remained silent until the door slid open once again.

"Are they the ones who get you through your drops? I know with the Neutralizers they're much less common, but they still happen, right?"

"About twice a year before Afghanistan. I upped the dosage afterwards though so now I only get maybe one a year. Sometimes I can stretch it to eighteen months before a drop catches up to me. Rhodey helped me through them when we were in college together and Pepper's done it a few times since I hired her but that's it."

Bucky's lips thinned but Tony ignored it in favor of heading toward one of his work stations. The holographic blue screens flickered to life at his approach and he wasted little time in bringing up his most recent project, a new variation of a water-filtration system that would also produce a small amount of hydro-electric power. If he managed to pull it off, it would revolutionize the situation in most of Africa.

"So you're just going through them on your own?"

"Technically JARVIS is there to talk me through them, but yeah. I'm mostly still aware during them so I don't need someone telling me what to do at every second. Of course, if I went off them I'd be a fucking wreck with how much the hormones have been suppressed at this point, but hey."

Bucky looked more than just a little bit horrified.

"So the only time you've had a non-medicated drop was in Afghanistan?" Tony just kind of shrugged one shoulder and shifted uncomfortably. "Oh, my God…"

"Look, it's not that bad, okay? Dad wasn't exactly a big fan of his kid winding up a Sub and there wouldn't have been any way to keep it a secret without the meds. It's not like I need the drops anyway."

Clearly, Bucky didn't agree. His lips pursed as he scowled and Tony could feel the familiar curl of self-reprimand in his gut. He really should've tried to avoid saying things that would upset him. That's what any decent person would have done.

"Tony, the drops are what help regulate your emotions and hormone levels." He ran a critical eye over the genius's form. "I don't even know what kind of effect it must be having on you to have gone so long without."

He rubbed a hand over his face and groaned, causing Tony to duck his head and turn back to his consoles. He hadn't wanted to cause so many problems or everyone. Long moments passed between them before Bucky spoke again.

"So what do you normally do during your drops?"

Tony's nose wrinkled at even just the thought.

"Invent, mostly, and snuggle under piles of blankets if it gets bad. DUM-E, U, and BUTTERFINGERS are able to give me enough contact to fool my body most of the time." He smiled ruefully. "No human contact necessary."

Bucky actually looked pained.

"You know what I've told you about my time with HYDRA. If there's anyone who understands not feeling safe with the idea of other people having control of you, it's me, but you can't just kill yourself because of that fear. We can help you, Tony, nobody is gonna hurt you here."

Bucky's voice was gentle, but it sent Tony into a towering rage. He swept everything off of the surface his desk, several coffee mugs of varying level of emptiness and age shattering against the floor. He could feel dampness stinging his eyes and it served only to anger him further.

"And what if someone does, huh? All it takes is one moment of weakness and I am _helpless_ to stop them."

"Alright, alright," Bucky held up his hands in a placating manner, as though dealing with a wild animal. "I'm hearing you, Tony, but you've been through drops before and nothing has happened. Afghanistan was an outlier, and Stane, too. They were just two-"

"Not Stane."

"What?"

Tony glared, feeling suddenly defensive of the man he'd killed to save himself.

"Obie never took advantage of my drops, not once in my entire life. He had the decency to try and kill me head on."

Several emotions warred for dominance across Bucky's expression before he finally settled on something that looked almost…proud.

"There you go, then. Seems to me that the Tony Stark I know wouldn't let the actions of one group stop him from living his life."

Tony glared.

"And what about you? Weren't you the one who said you didn't feel comfortable Dom-ing since HYDRA? What if I said I'd only drop if you Dom-ed for me?"

"Then I'd agree," Bucky's gaze was intense as it bore into Tony's, "in a heartbeat. And I would do my damnedest to be the kind of Dom you deserve, one that you didn't need to be afraid of."

Tony blinked, then blinked again. He hadn't expected the conversation to turn in this direction. He'd only made the suggestion to get a rise out of the other man. His agreement…Tony hadn't even really considered it.

"Oh." He knew Bucky's insecurities, knew this wasn't something he offered lightly, and something about that was actually sort of…soothing. "I'd want to still be able to build stuff. I go crazy if I can't work."

"Sure," Bucky agreed easily, a smile tugging at his lips. "We could come up with a list of projects beforehand so I could give you direction if you needed it and it would still be exactly what you wanted."

He shifted a bit uncomfortably. The inventor was feeling more and more of a draw to this accidental situation. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Bucky was exactly the person he would want looking after him if he had the choice. That didn't make accepting it any easier.

"And I get really clingy. Ask Rhodey. He once told me I did a rather spectacular imitation of a human octopus."

That actually prompted a little snort of laughter from the former assassin.

"That's just fine. I'm, uh," for a moment he almost seemed embarrassed, "I'm a bit of a snuggler myself. Always have been."

"And I'll drop really often when I first go off the meds. Like, a _lot_. My body is gonna be trying to make up for lost time."

"No problem. The super soldier serum keeps me running longer than most. I can catch some cat naps in between and be good to go." He stepped a bit closer and laid a hand on each of Tony's shoulders. "We'll get through this, Tony, and it'll be okay. You'll be safe with me."

Something warm bubbled up in the genius's chest and he had to duck his head to contain it.

"And you'd be willing to do this for me? For the long run?"

"Absolutely." Bucky's tone left no room for doubt. "But we can't know how missions and everything will affect us over time. If I can't be here, and I'll always do my best to make sure that doesn't happen, you should have a backup in place. Not just JARVIS and the bots. I'm sure they take excellent care of you, and I have no doubt they care, but you need to be with another person."

"Thor."

The soldier's brows furrowed at that, but it was in confusion, not disapproval.

"Thor? I would have thought you'd pick Bruce or something."

Tony grinned sheepishly.

"He doesn't have an orientation, so he feels safer to me."

"Huh, I never thought about it like that."

Tony shrugged.

"You've never needed to."

Silence stretched between them again as DUM-E and U rolled over to start sweeping up the mess on the floor. Tony sighed and bent to help them, salvaging the things he didn't want to end up in the trash. He could feel Bucky's eyes on him as he worked.

"You seem to be transitioning rather well. I wasn't expecting you to give up so easily."

The genius let a long sigh escape him.

"I know my team, Buck. The only way I was gonna get away with continuing to take the Neutralizers was if you guys never knew my secret. Once Natasha spilled the beans…"

He let himself trail off. The sentence didn't really need to be finished anyway. Bucky hummed in thought.

"I admit I find myself torn between wanting to respect your wishes and not wanting to lose you." When he turned to look at Tony again, his eyes were every bit as sad and haunted as they had been when he'd first arrived at the tower. "You're one of the most important people in my life."

It was the kind of comment Tony would normally laugh at and brush aside with a quick quip. He wasn't good with heavy emotional stuff, especially not when it was directed at him. Something told him that wasn't the right approach, though. At least not at the moment.

"Yeah," he said instead, voice soft and the mess on the floor all but forgotten. "You are, too."

They shared a tentative smile before Bucky seemed able to pull himself back together. He jerked his head toward the doors.

"We should probably go talk to the others, then. They'll be wanting to know what's going on."

The genius couldn't help his wince as he followed the other man out of his lab.

"Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy are coming over for dinner tonight, too. I'd been planning to tell them about the aneurism, but…" He really didn't want to overstep his bounds here. "Would you be willing to stick around for that conversation, too?"

"Of course."

Bucky's answer was immediate, like he never even considered not being there as an option. It was comforting and Tony leaned closer to press their shoulders together for a long moment before pulling away.

"Thanks. For everything."

Bucky lifted his metal arm to wrap it around Tony's shoulders. The gesture felt safe, warm. Tony thought it might even be something he could get used to.

"Anything you need. Anything."

Clint was waiting for them when the elevator doors slid open, pacing back and forth in front of them like a tiger trapped in a cage. The others with the exception of Bruce hovered not far off, but were at least trying to be a bit more subtle in their curiosity.

"Well?" the archer demanded.

Bucky actually glared at him.

"I'm going off the Neutralizers." Tony felt another rush of guilt at the relieved reactions from the team. "No guarantees," he avoided looking at Bucky as he said it, "but I'm willing to give it a shot. We'll see how it goes and then, maybe, we'll talk about letting it get out to the media. I need to talk to Pepper first."

It was actually extremely surprising how fast he ended up in the middle of a group hug.

"You idiot," Clint mumbled into the genius's shoulder, his face squashed there by Steve's pecs, "we're all here for you. You should have just fucking told us."

It took a few moments before Tony managed to get himself to relax once again. He couldn't deny it actually felt pretty nice to be wrapped up in all that warmth.

"I know," he murmured right back. "I was just scared."

"Well, you've got nothing to be afraid of," Steve beamed down at him. "We've got you."

"Verily, and we shall stand beside you until Ragnarok come, my friend."

The strange warmth was bubbling up in Tony's chest again and he had to clear his throat a couple times before he managed to get words out.

"Thanks, guys. I just…Thanks."

He could feel Bucky's smile pressed into his hair.


	4. Revolutionize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the happy endings.

Tony dropped _hard,_ harder than any of them had been expecting. It took about two and a half days for the Neutralizers to work their way out of his system and then it was like someone had wiped his slate completely clean. It set Bucky on edge at first to be so absolutely in control of another person's every action as well as making sure their mental state didn't waver into dangerous territory, but he and Tony had planned ahead well and he was able to adjust quickly. They spent a lot of time in the lab, with Tony working away on projects they'd talked about beforehand and Bucky just lending himself as a constant presence and source of approval.

Sometimes Tony didn't want to work, though. He'd still do it, but he'd move much slower than he normally did and wouldn't appear overly pleased to be there. It'd taken Bucky a bit to figure out exactly what he wanted at first, but had been more than willing to cuddle when he discovered that was all Tony was after. The genius wanted warmth and softness and another human being beside him and Bucky was happy to be that person. They would lie on the couch or in Tony's bed for hours on end just wrapped up in each other's arms with their bodies pressed flush against one another and Bucky whispering reassurances and praise into Tony's ear. Of course, it did open the door to its own set of complications.

Tony had been dropping on and off, an exhausting endeavor, for three weeks the first time he attempted to initiate a more…intimate aspect to their cuddle sessions. Bucky had nearly panicked and bolted from the room, not because he didn't find Tony attractive but because he was terrified of taking advantage. It was only the knowledge that his actions would hurt the Sub infinitely more because he was mid-drop that stopped him. Any rejection would come across as catastrophic. Still, that knowledge didn't make the fact that Tony was rocking their hips together and mewling softly any easier to handle. Bucky's instincts _screamed_ at him to _take, mark, claim_ and he wanted to. He wanted Tony like an addict wanting a cigarette.

He'd always thought of the other man as attractive. At first, when he'd believed Tony to be a Dom like himself, he'd thought it was the leftover dregs of the Winter Soldier programming. HYDRA had chemically stimulated reactions in his body that mirrored a Sub drop. It wasn't too far outside of the realm of possibilities to think that there could be some lasting effects there, effects such as an attraction to other Doms. Bucky just tried his best to ignore the whole thing.

Then, of course, he and Tony had become friends. He'd spent more and more time with the man, learning his humor and listening to his wit. He especially liked the way that Tony rambled on and on whenever he got nervous or excited. The genius was always so full of energy and life. His eyes twinkled and his hands were in constant motion. It was so radically different from what Bucky had experienced at HYDRA that he was drawn to it like a cat to a warm spot of sunshine after coming in from the cold. He quickly discovered that it wasn't just Tony's Dom orientation that he was attracted to, but the man himself.

He hadn't planned to ever say anything about the attraction. There were extremely rare cases where Doms got together with other Doms, but it was abundantly clear that Tony had no interest in that kind of thing. Even if he was, he wouldn't want someone as broken and messed up as Bucky. He was more than willing to just sit to the side and watch the man. He would take Tony's friendship over not having him in his life at all. He could live with that.

When he found out Tony was dying, it was…devastating. There was no other word for it. He knew they lived dangerous lives, knew there was always the threat of losing a friend or a loved one. It wasn't even like Tony hadn't ever been injured before. They'd had plenty of close calls since Bucky had joined the team. It was just that there was something so much worse, it felt like, to lose Tony to something like disease as opposed to him dying in battle.

And then there was the whole reveal that Tony was actually a Sub. Bucky's brain had short circuited for a moment, only coming back to him because of Tony's terrified expression when faced by the team's shouting. He'd wrapped the other man up in his arms without a second thought, pulling him in close and offering him warmth and protection on the basest of levels. It'd felt so good to hold him like that. The fact that Tony actually wanted him of all people to handle his drops…it was nothing short of an honor. Bucky didn't plan to break the trust that had been placed in him.

He gently coaxed Tony's hips away from his own. The genius gave a pitiful little whine that nearly cost Bucky his control, but he held strong.

"Just touch yourself, Tony. You're so beautiful, so gorgeous. I want to see those clever little hands of yours take you apart like an engine."

He talked the other man through it, guiding him where needed and giving him praises every step of the way. He sought to give Tony exactly what he needed without taking any of the actions himself. Bucky didn't have permission for that, would never want that _without_ permission. Tony was the only one who could give the green light there and he wasn't exactly in full control of his faculties. As long as he thought it was what Bucky wanted, he would let the soldier do just about anything. It was a cruel fate, Bucky thought, that had been handed to the Subs of the world.

Tony vanished as soon as his drop was over. He'd smiled and made an excuse before disappearing, but he wasn't fooling Bucky in the slightest. It was clear that he was uncomfortable with what had happened, even more so when he spent his next drop with Thor. The God was happy to help, but admitted he wasn't entirely sure what he was doing. Tony came out of it just fine, but not with the happy glow he'd had when Bucky'd been handling them. The rest of the team had questions, of course, but Bucky wasn't talking. He knew it wasn't something Tony would want getting around.

It was still Tony's choice, though, and Bucky would never take that away from someone. It wasn't just his time with HYDRA that made him so adverse to the idea, but what he truly believed. No one ever deserved to have their choices taken from them. If Tony didn't want Bucky around for his drops, then Bucky would respect that choice. That was, until he found the genius dropped and hiding in a closet.

"Oh, honey," he winced, not having meant to say that, "what are you doing in here? Why aren't you with Thor?"

Tony went into his arms easily, curling up close and pressing his nose into Bucky's neck. He fit perfectly, his smaller frame hitting all the right spots as Bucky lifted and carried him to the communal couch. JARVIS was already raising the temperature a bit.

"I was, Sir," the genius mumbled, "but I didn't wanna bother him."

By this point, Tony had regained enough of himself to actually be able to communicate during his drops. He hadn't been able to do that in the beginning he'd been so far down.

"You're not a bother. I'm sure he doesn't think that."

Bucky grabbed a throw off of the back of the couch as he settled them in, wrapping it around them both and leaning back against the cushions. It was furry and soft and had been placed there for exactly this purpose. Well, and movie nights.

"Not on purpose," Tony insisted, "but I do. I dropped in the middle of a call with Jane. He'd much rather spend his time with her."

The ex-assassin reached up to stroke the genius's hair, enjoying the feeling of those silky strands running through his fingers.

"Did he say that?"

"No, Sir. I didn't let him know I dropped, just got out of there. But I know that's what he would think. He might not say it, but he would think it."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm always a bother. I make everybody uncomfortable in the end. I did it to you."

Tony actually sounded pretty upset over that thought and Bucky pressed a kiss to his hair without considering the repercussions. The genius needed comfort more than anything else at the moment and Bucky was going to be damn sure he got it.

"You were never a bother to me, Tony. Never."

"Was too," he argued back, pouting. "You weren't interested and I pressed the issue."

Bucky's brow furrowed. He had a sneaking suspicion what this was about but he didn't want to go jumping to conclusions.

"What issue?"

Tony squirmed a bit against him, settling into a more comfortable position. Bucky continued to stroke his hair as soon as he was still again.

"I like you, Sir, and I'm not supposed to."

His hand paused for only a moment before continuing.

"I don't know about that. I think you can like just about anyone you want to."

Tony made a small noise of protest.

"Nuh uh. Dad said it wasn't good and he was right. I'm not supposed to like Doms. They can make me do things."

"But you like me."

"I want to climb you like a Christmas tree," the genius bemoaned, only belatedly tacking, "Sir," onto the end of the sentence.

Bucky's instincts reared up in the back of his mind. He wanted to take that as an invitation, to flip them over on the couch and rip the genius's clothes right off his frame before sinking deeply into him. It was a monumental effort to hold himself back.

"And do you think I would make you do things? Things you wouldn't want to do?"

Tony shook his head vehemently.

"No, Sir. You'd never."

"Good. I wouldn't want you to think that. You're a very special kinda fella. You deserve to be treated right and I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt you if I could help it."

Tony grinned sappily and tried to bury his face in the soldier's chest to hide it.

"You're a goof. I like it. And I'm sorry, Sir."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Cause you don't like me back but I can't stop it."

Bucky knew this wasn't a conversation they should be having while Tony was dropped, no matter how productive it was. He'd have to pick this whole thing up again later.

"How long have you been down?"

Tony shrugged, easily accepting the change in topic.

"A few hours, Sir. I'll only be down a couple more at most."

"Alright," Bucky pressed another kiss to his hair. "Let's just stay here until you come back, okay?"

Tony tried to make a break for it as soon as he was back to himself, of course, but Bucky had always been good at learning from his mistakes. He shouted after the man before he could even make it out of the room.

"I like you, too, you know!"

Tony froze.

"What?"

"I like you, too. Have ever since I got here, even when I thought you were a Dom. If I'd thought for a second you were interested, I would have subbed for you in a heartbeat. Or tried, at least. I remember a lot of my training from…before."

He meant HYDRA but he didn't actually have to specify that for Tony to understand. The genius looked absolutely floored.

"But…you're a Dom."

"And I thought you were, too."

"You never said anything when you found out."

"That you were a Sub? Of course not. Tony, just because I don't have a brain as big as the one that's crammed into your skull doesn't mean I'm an idiot. You don't find out someone has been hiding their orientation their entire life and immediately say, 'Oh, well, I'd actually love to put you on your knees and do terrible, dirty things to you until your moaning and begging for more.' I can't imagine that would go over well."

Despite everything, the corner of Tony's mouth twitched upwards a bit.

"You want to climb me like a Christmas tree, too."

Bucky approached cautiously, taking the humor as a good sign but not wanting to spook the other man.

"I like you as a lot more than just a Christmas tree, but, yeah, that too."

Bucky was really, really glad that their first kiss wasn't while Tony was dropped. He was also glad it wasn't their last, too. That really would have put a damper on the situation. Of course, things weren't exactly smooth sailing right off the bat either. There were more than just a few hiccups along the way. Neither was quite sure how to play the role they had stepped into, but they eventually worked it out.

For the most part, unless he was dropped, Bucky was more than happy to let Tony take the lead in just about everything they did. Bucky was still largely unfamiliar with the world, though he was doing far better than Steve, and he wasn't at all comfortable with telling someone else what to do all the time. As it turned out, the fact that his experiences with HYDRA made him so reluctant to Dominate completely worked out extremely well. Tony wasn't exactly the type who took well to being told what to do.

Spending his entire life pretending to be a Dom put Tony in the position where he was completely comfortable making the decisions for himself or even both of them. There was no struggle of him wanting that responsibility taken away. He was perfectly fine doing the things he'd always done without a Dom hovering over his shoulder and 'supervising' him. He never felt threatened by Bucky's Dom orientation but he also didn't feel the same pressure he had when in relationships with Subs where they wanted him to control their every move. _Neither_ of them wanted complete control or submission out of the relationship and, for them, that worked.

Bucky took over handling Tony's drops again, and everyone was happier for it. It wasn't that Thor had thought of helping Tony as an inconvenience, but it certainly wasn't his first choice of activities. Plus, the drops were now accompanied by the possibility of just a bit more contact that their previous cuddle sessions. Neither of them was complaining about that to be sure. And the drops were far from the only time they got up to those particular activities.

As Tony's drops became less frequent, balancing the hormones in his body out to where they should have been, he started stepping back into the world a bit. A man as prominent as himself disappearing for six months had caused a bit of hubbub with the media and they certainly weren't shy about prying into his reasons. It didn't take long after his reappearance for the news that he was actually a Sub to hit the airwaves. The blow back was incredible. Opinions were scattered, as expected. Some people condemned him for hiding his orientation, but there were many people who supported him as well. Subs, and Doms, all over the world started speaking up just a little bit louder about how their orientation had pigeon-holed their life. These stories weren't exactly new, but they were getting a lot more attention now that the name Tony Stark was being thrown around with them.

Tony had hated them at first, but he was nothing if not a futurist. He saw an opportunity to shape the world into a better place and he took it without hesitation. The Maria Stark Foundation, his main organization that all of his other charities branched off of, began to dedicate a huge amount of focus to what they called Orientation Rights. They didn't want to just support Subs, but anyone who felt held back by the role society had cast them into. Bucky was under no illusions that it was Tony's own life that had sparked that drive.

Only a couple months after Tony's reveal and change in focus, Bucky asked Pepper to call up a reporter she thought would do a good job and tell them that he wanted to talk about the Winter Soldier. He didn't tell anyone on the team what he was doing until it aired on the news that night. He talked about how HYDRA had warped and controlled him, how he still couldn't be sure of what all they'd made him do. What he really tried to focus on, though, was how the experience had affected him as a Dom.

Clint had nearly changed the channel with a growl when the reporter mentioned a story about the Winter Soldier, but Bucky stopped him. The media had been decidedly unkind to him when he'd first been taken in by the Avengers and they still ran a bit about it every once in a blue moon. As soon the interview began to play, the others shot him a whole spectrum of curious looks. By the end of it, he was wrapped up in Steve's arms from one direction and Tony's from another. Later that night, even though they weren't anywhere near one of his drops, Tony had slid to his knees in their bedroom and folded his hands loosely behind his back. It was their standard 'rest' pose for his drops and Bucky just stared at him for a long moment.

"Tony?"

The eyes that gazed up at him didn't show even a hint of being down.

"Please, Sir, I'd like to be good for you. I promise, I can be a good boy."

Bucky smiled as he ran a hand through Tony's hair and then bent down enough to give him a kiss.

"You've always been a good boy, honey. Always. But it would be my honor if you would be good for me now."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Just Breathe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5141972) by [HappyPoodle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyPoodle/pseuds/HappyPoodle)




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